Thin Envelope

Today I received the thin envelope from Vanderbilt. I am denied entrance into their program; the letter stated the standard "we received more applications than normal so had to turn down qualified applicants." It is fairly cold comfort.

Despite knowing the program only admits 10-12 students a year, I felt I had a good shot at Vanderbilt. I had excellent GRE scores (a 6 out of 6 on the written portion and 740 on the verbal, which was the 99th percentile) as well as a good undergraduate GPA (3.83) and a GPA of 3.95 in my major.

Intellectually I understand why I would not be a good candidate for Vanderbilt. I am an "older" student. I do not already possess a master's degree, although that is not a requirement for admission. I did not attend a prestigious undergraduate institution. I can't help but admit that it stings.

Growing up, my parents have always cheered for the Vanderbilt basketball and football teams. My dad has been a fan since the 1950s. They have supported the "hometown team" (although more Nashvillians support UT athletics than Vanderbilt) for decades. They raised my the same way. I cheered for the teams during decades of losing seasons. Part of why I wanted to attend was to make my parents proud. Although they will never say it, I feel that I let them, and my husband, down.

I am trying to believe that this is not terrible and that it does not mean that I will be denied admission to MTSU. In some ways it will make life easier if I attend graduate school at MTSU. There will be no commute. I will probably be able to maintain some sort of involvement with Hardy's school. We may be able to swing my class schedule so that we won't need after school care for Hardy. The Public History program at MTSU is good, and there is a professor (or two) that I have wanted to take classes from. I am trying to look on the bright side of things, and trying to resist curling into the fetal position.

It is hard to believe that even at my advanced age of 34 that the appearance of the thin envelope (or email, in this case) can be so upsetting. I have a lot of empathy right now for all the high school seniors awaiting their envelopes.