Stereotype

I have not been blogging/writing lately because it seems that life became crazy/hectic/busy. Also, Hardy stopped taking his afternoon nap (I guess 4 and a half years was as good as one could expect) so I now spend the afternoon with him, thus taking away my time to write.

I heard from MTSU yesterday and was admitted to the graduate program in History. I was not, however, awarded an assistantship, so attending graduate school at this time probably will not happen. I am incredibly saddened by this, as I realized (somewhat belatedly) that I love academia and was looking forward to being a full time student. I also was shocked because I felt with my grades and GRE scores that I would receive an assistantship.

So now I am in the position of being a stereotype. I feel a bit like the women Betty Friedan wrote in The Feminine Mystique back in 1963 (hard to imagine that some things have not changed in the intervening 47 years). While I love my children and my husband desperately, I feel the need for an identity beyond them. Something that depends solely on my own talents (whatever they may be) and abilities that go beyond how I parent my children or clean my house.

I do not feel that I made the wrong choice to stay home with my children. It has been an adventure, both good and bad, and I have learned much about myself over the last (almost) three years. I was just beginning, however, to feel the stirrings to do something different, to be something different. There is nothing wrong with being a housewife and mother. It is a great job and calling. However, I think I want to do something different.

The problem is the same problem that faces many other women. After being out of the workforce for several years, I feel as if I have no marketable job skills. My college major was not one that opens doors for jobs, and I have also not worked in that field in a decade. The last field I worked in (paralegal) I really did not like, and I do not want to be a paralegal ever again. So I am in the position that I feel like I want to do something more but I feel as if I have few options. I do not want to work just to work any job. I want something I love, that inspires me. Yet I am not sure at this point what that would be. So for now, I will remain at home, trying to bloom where I have been planted.