Live Camels, Oh My!

Justin had a meeting to go to yesterday afternoon, so I thought it would be a great idea to take to the kids to Bethlehem Marketplace while he was gone. Bethlehem Marketplace is a reenactment of Bethlehem at the time of the birth of Jesus put on one weekend a year by a local Baptist church. They have live camels, sheep and donkeys. Best of all, it is less than a mile from my house, so it seemed like a great idea.

I started out on our trip with a bit of trepidation. Ellie had awakened early from her nap, and was in a dreadful mood. Looking at her made her cry, and she only wanted her dad, not me. It was the type of meltdown that would make a single person decide never to have children in their life. However, once we got there and I got her in the stroller, she cheered up a bit. Actually, by that point she was resigned, but I took that as a bit of cheer.

After a bit of a wait (this thing apparently draws in 6000 visitors), we enter the tented areas. It was a bit unreal. It was like being suddenly thrust into the middle of a theater camp exercise. There are people in costume, roaming around, yelling and trying to sell their wares. There are men dressed up as Roman soldiers, patrolling the "streets" and occasionally arresting someone. Hardy seemed to believe they were actually soldiers, and was a bit afraid that they would arrest us. I didn't want to destroy the illusion, so I allowed him to have this fantasy.

We came to the camels, and Hardy decided two things. He decided camels stink and that camels are scary. And he wants no part of the camels. He won't go near them, doesn't want to hear about them, doesn't even want to look at them. I end up having to stand between him and the camel. I decide at this juncture that we need to get through the rest of Bethlehem and get back home before the kids lose it.

We end up in the stable with the animals and baby Jesus. This tent has live sheep, goats and donkeys. They even allow you to pet the animals. We walk through the first time and again, Hardy decides that live animals are not his thing. He won't look at them. He does look at baby Jesus, which is a real sleeping baby, oblivious to the chaos around him. I wish my babies had had that type of sleeping ability!

At this point, Ellie wants out of the stroller and wants to touch the animals. I get her out, telling Hardy he can stand by the stroller while I walk 5 feet away so Ellie can get her animal fix. (Her feelings about animals are as opposite of Hardy's as one can get). This terrifies Hardy, who runs up to me. At this point he is in a tough spot. He is terrified of the animals, and terrified of me being near the animals.

At this point, Hardy utters the phrase that makes me pause. He says, "I'm sorry, Mommy. Sometimes I am not very brave." My heart turns over at this. He is apologizing to me for not meeting my expectations. I can't allow this to go unnoticed. So I bend down, give him a big hug, and tell him, "You don't have to be brave. You just have to be yourself." He smiled at me and we wrestled Ellie away from the sheep (she was baaing at it and probably plotting how to fit it in her stroller). We leave Bethlehem, and head back to the house.

His statement has had me thinking since then. I have always striven to show my son that bravery is important. He is brave for his shots, never crying and always remarking on his own bravery. But somewhere in the process I fear he has learned that bravery is the most important thing. While I do believe that bravery is important, I also need to show Hardy that being brave is hard sometimes. Even as adults we aren't always brave. There have been times when I have ducked conversations out of cowardice, not being brave enough to have the difficult discussion, no matter the consequence. What I think I need to teach Hardy about bravery is that we are not always brave, but that we should always be ourselves. If we are embrace who we are, we might find it a bit easier to be brave.